Pitch Session

[Jennifer Drew]

George Lucas'ed

Takes place in between matches on this week's Lock Up.

We fade in on Jennifer and Graciela in a room backstage. The two are sitting behind a small wooden table with pile of papers strewn about in front of Jennifer, who's looking semi professional in a black button down shirt and some obviously fake reading glasses that contrast with the streaks of pink in her hair and the pink and black fingerless glove she was wearing.

Graciela here live at Lock Up. We're joined at this time by Jennifer Drew. Jennifer, you requested this time.

Yeah, everyone else keeps getting all this interview time and I thought we should hang out more.

Alright, but shouldn't you...

What, be out there in a match letting Ashley figure out a little bit more of the Jennifer Drew gameplan? Yes, that is what someone who doesn't really “get it” would say. Do you feel that in the air? It's a little thing called momentum Gracie and you've got to ride it out.

Besides we've got bigger fish to fry here. Like as big as that one your uncle says he caught years ago. The one that keeps expanding until it's roughly the size of a Russian submarine but you're like too polite to point out how unrealistic it is and then... Anyway, like I was saying I've got problems.

Alright, tell us about it.

I've been researching and preparing for my Global Supremacy match ever since I pinned our champion one on one. I mean she's probably off making plans to blow up my stuff like she likes to do but I'm way behind.

Well I'm sure you're right on that. Ashley Raimond is a ruthless competitor in and out of the ring, and you're saying you're not prepared for the battle she may wage on you?

My opponent is where she is because she did anything and everything to get where she was regardless of legality, ethics or good taste. Am I vulnerable? Who isn't? I'll deal with that when it happens.

I want this bad and I'm going to use every advantage I've earned. But so here's the thing. I got nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

I just can't find a match that has the uh... God.... what's the word I'm looking for... you know...

zazz.

Actually that's kind of why you're here Gracie, I just need a second opinion on all these. Bring in the first one.

The first one?




Before the question gets an answer a man who may well have been the model for the old Texas oil baron on the Simpsons with his bolo tie, cowboy hat and suit charges in grinning and shaking hands before setting down an easel.

This is going to take me forever if I do it on my own I've brought on a few outside contractors to help me out with the decision. Alright, go ahead number one.

Evenin' ladies. Looking lovely if I do say so myself. I've been told to keep it short so I'm just going to tell you how to get on the trolley with a match hotter than mama's five alarm. I'm proposing this we take your right hand and we take the champ's right hand, we bind them together like so...

He shows a hand drawn picture of the two of them bound at the wrists by ropes.

Now we're going to hang this here cow bell in the middle of you two

Before he can make it to the next page, Graciela, who went from somewhat annoyed during the interview to not at all amused now, interrupts.

So, a bull rope match?

Yep, you gals look tougher than some of my two dollar steaks especially you missy. Why, I've seen you get hit over the head with just about everything under the sun. Seem like you ain't right in the head but you just keep going. So I figured something like this with a little carnage was just the thing.

I love it, but this place has seen fit to crush that dream of mine over and over and over again so I'm going to have to pass. But get with me on that chili recipe, also if you can hook me up with a cheap flight into Tyler... for the Rose festival... it would be awesome.


There's a business card exchange and handshake before Jennifer turns to her new journalist companion.

You may want to get something to eat, this could take longer than I thought.

[Jennifer Drew]

If you didn't know it you'd think an hour had passed instead of the time for the last match. They now had bottles of water and the mandated snacks and Graciela remained bemused. Clearly the entire thing was a joke to Jennifer but why take time away from all the other interviews she could be doing with... well it was the principle of the thing. She'd decided to just roll with it for the time being rationalizing that this was all leading to a main event of Global Supremacy.

Someone's bound to get my artistic vision sooner or later, I just know it.

And you'll probably shoot them down too... can we just go on now?

Oooh, good hustle. I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am. Alright, who do we have here?

I guess it's one of the locals from here in Denver. It says her name is Debbie and she's an expert on you.

An expert, hmm... maybe she'll be more attuned to my whims. Send her in!

A woman about Jennifer's age with similarly dyed hair and wearing the official Jennifer Drew T-shirt and carrying a magazine with her face on it. She rushes forward and gives Jennifer a hug then spies the camera.

OHMYGODICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SREALLYYOU! Is this on TV? Oh! It is! I just want to say to everyone at home TAKE THAT! I told you this would happen one day.

She takes the hot seat in front of Jennifer and Graciela attempting to calm down a bit.

You're a real firecracker there Debbie. Alright, what have you got for me?

Ok, so like they said I've kind of been following you for like... ever. I'm even re-watching the 2005 Deathmatch tournament. I'm on the part where you went through the light tubes but then you were all like “No, I'm kicking out because I'm awesome,” That's like my favorite part! But, I've seen everything else too. You remember that time when you had all those classics with Jessie Blair but then you like, won the world title?

Yeah, that was a lot of fun back in the day.

That was awesome. And then that time when you were with Kaze and you two won the tag team titles?

Sure, she was great. Funny story about her...

Or like the time when you had the three stages of hell with Yuki Kenzo and then she let you keep your clothes on whichIhated?

Uh...

Oh, and remember when you ran your face into Scarlett Rose's and she though you tried to kiss her and then she was all like...

Yes! I remember the time before she inexplicably started hating me.

Excuse me but this is going somewhere right? You're going to tell me which one of these situations it's like and then explain how she won that time and then suggest a match based on that, aren't you?

What?

Alright, thanks for coming.

So Jen, I was thinking after this if you're not busy...

I uh, actually kind of have a thing so, um, yeah.

Well, maybe next time.

Debbie got up and left.

Yes, maybe.




Not really.

[Jennifer Drew]

One more time and it seems the tension in the room between the panel of judges had only gotten worse.

I get the feeling this whole thing is pointless. Can I go now Jennifer? I know this is a big match but I've got 6 CHC contenders and not to mention....

Look, Gracie you've been a real trooper all day and I really value your input on the whole deal. Now, we have at least one more and I'd really like it if you stuck around. OK?

Fine, what tee hee hilarious comedy stock character are you going to pull out now?

[Cosette Grace]

That would be the stuffy Brit.

Hello!

The door opens wide and we see Cosette all dressed up in one of her favorite black business suits pushing a cart with a projector and laptop into the room. She hits the light switch and pulls down a screen before launching a presentation and grabbing her remote.

Jennifer, Graciela I'm glad we got this time to talk. I think I might have the idea you've been looking for.

I think that this GCW Top Debutante Championship match could be a great chance for GCW to take another foray into mixed martial arts.

Ok, so onto the basics...

She advances to a slide that says “History” showing with a picture of South America in the background.

...Oh right. The time limit. I suppose I'll skip my lecture on the development f Brazilian Jiu Jitsu within immigrant Japanese communities in Brazil and just say I think this could do big business and I think you could put on quite the show.

Cosette skips through several pictures of Rickson Gracie, the first UFC event and some charts on current pay per view buyrates to a picture of her in an amateur fight.

And I don't mean to brag but it is kind of my domain. This could be so much fun too. We have enough time for me to show you some of the basics you'll need before the match.

I mean not to take anything away from the pros saying we could get you ready in two weeks but let's face it you're a great fighter. You're very versatile. Maybe more than you know. You've got quite the ground game and I can attest to your strikes being up to snuff. You could probably be successful in any kind of ring if you put your mind to it.

And now “Conclusion”.

So, I think this is a fairly cohesive plan and if you're ready to move forward just say the word.

[Jennifer Drew]

The lights go on and we get back to Jennifer and Graciela, who actually looks intrigued for the first time during the proceedings.

I love it. This could actually do big business, it's different and I think you and Ashley could be the ones to make this classic. Plus, she's probably the most sane of the presenters.

On what planet pretending like you're your friend's daughter for months and then after that making the perfectly logical transition to being Xena or something sane?

Sorry, 'Sette I just had to establish that you're coming from the same place as the Texas businessman and Debbie. But I can't do it this way. MMA is for jerks.

Jerks?

Jerks with tribal tattoos. There's not enough time for us to come out with an Affliction style Jennifer t-shirt and there just isn't enough parking space for all the H2's.

Plus I think I look a little hippy in those shorts. But give me a call after the show. We'll get something to eat.

A normal person would have left in a huff but Cosette had known Jennifer long enough to realize this was just the way she was and that she was definitely joking about the whole thing. She'd claim she was offended and get a free meal out of it later. Which left us with Jennifer and a furious Graciela.

So that's it? We're done? I wasted all this time and you still haven't made up your damn mind?

Uh, no. Were you paying attention at all? The pieces are there so let me put it together for you.

I need something super violent so I can make up for getting all anemic last month, I need something that I'm good at and that I've done before and I need something that's going to let me show off everything I've been doing this year. There's only one match I can think of that fits all of those things and that will go well enough with the fogged-out, adrenaline pumping, laser show that's going to precede everything.

Well what IS it?

Off the record? Deep background? Super secret?

Shenods just dying to know for herself as we fade to black on Jennifer whispering her decision into a Graciela's ear. The last shot we get is of Graciela's eureka moment and the contentment of actually getting the story.