Post by Kimberly Masters on Feb 23, 2009 10:48:29 GMT -5
Is this everything? Is this really who I am? I mean I have done so many things in my life, no matter if they were good or evil, no matter if I have hurt or helped people with my doing. I have done so much in the effort to archive some sort of satisfaction. But sadly … I think, I fear … NO … I know that the exact opposite is the chase … I don’t feel save or needed anymore. I am unsure what I should do, how I should react to the things that lay infront of me. I feel … I am so alone. It is as if it is just me against the whole world but not in a scenario as I am used to it. I was always fighting alone against people with power and money that thought they are better then me only to prove them wrong. Only to prove that I am better then them, smarter … more beautiful. But what have I gain of all that?
Money …
Just money, not more … not the satisfaction I was looking for. I couldn’t find what I thought I would get if I support people. Isn’t it funny? I was such a nice person the last year … supported wrestlers who needed it, helped them and now I am at a crossroad and no matter what direction I am going I always come back to this crossroad. As if my life spins in a circle now. A circle that repeats itself over and over again, without the opportunity for myself to jump off to make things better.
Better for me? … Now that would be great, but I really doubt that … people like me are not made for that. I am one of the type of people that everyone hates no matter what I try to make things better for the people who work under me. Under me … hehe funny way to call it like that. A small smile appears on my face but it get buried fast under the sadness I feel. A sadness not even the cold air can blow away from my nude body … I must really look strange to people if they could see me now. Standing at the balcony of my appartment how god created me with wet hair staring down at the streets below while my thoughts are spinning in a circle …Hm … a circle again, quite strange that I always come back with my conclusions to the same thing.
Maybe I should take another road and just jump …jump over the balcony in a new life. Well I could do that but I am to scared of it … scared of changing … the last time I did it it brought me in the dilemma I am currently in. But maybe I am more worried as it really is necessary. Well to some degree I know quite well that everything is falling appart in my life.
A showder is running down my spine as I slowly start to frezze from the cold wind that is blowing in my direction. I shiver slightly but my thoughts have already started to drift away again. So much I have done for the company … I helped to build up wrestlers like Shelby Steele, Ashley Raimond … just to name a few. Made out of nobodies champions. But even that accomplishment didn’t helped me to satisfy myself. Satisfy my needs for acceptance and … well I think a thank you would have been enough for my help to build up and start their legacy. But no this was never the chase … not even once I heard a thank you Kimberly for your help and support. Not even once.
I loud gasp escape my lips as from one second to the other somebody place a blanket on my shoulders … wrap me in the blanket so that I don’t freeze so much. I turn my head upwards and to the side to see Christina standing behind me … my only friend in this world that is always on my side to support me. I nod with my hand and let her hold myself between her strong arms. I can feel her breath …. And I can only .think about what a great help she was for me … what a good friend.
It even was her who brough the papers were I signed my relase from GCW, to Wallace. Yes I will leave GCW … I will stop to walk in a circle and go the long road backwards … turn around and go to the only place I can call my home. I will go home to my family …. My Famila …my home … I will be tomorrow at this time already back home by Sergio, by Vegas and the rest the gang … at home … in Vegas ….
I close my eyes, my thoughts are drifting away … Home …
Thanks for all the support and it was a great time with all of you. Goodbye GCW …
Money …
Just money, not more … not the satisfaction I was looking for. I couldn’t find what I thought I would get if I support people. Isn’t it funny? I was such a nice person the last year … supported wrestlers who needed it, helped them and now I am at a crossroad and no matter what direction I am going I always come back to this crossroad. As if my life spins in a circle now. A circle that repeats itself over and over again, without the opportunity for myself to jump off to make things better.
Better for me? … Now that would be great, but I really doubt that … people like me are not made for that. I am one of the type of people that everyone hates no matter what I try to make things better for the people who work under me. Under me … hehe funny way to call it like that. A small smile appears on my face but it get buried fast under the sadness I feel. A sadness not even the cold air can blow away from my nude body … I must really look strange to people if they could see me now. Standing at the balcony of my appartment how god created me with wet hair staring down at the streets below while my thoughts are spinning in a circle …Hm … a circle again, quite strange that I always come back with my conclusions to the same thing.
Maybe I should take another road and just jump …jump over the balcony in a new life. Well I could do that but I am to scared of it … scared of changing … the last time I did it it brought me in the dilemma I am currently in. But maybe I am more worried as it really is necessary. Well to some degree I know quite well that everything is falling appart in my life.
A showder is running down my spine as I slowly start to frezze from the cold wind that is blowing in my direction. I shiver slightly but my thoughts have already started to drift away again. So much I have done for the company … I helped to build up wrestlers like Shelby Steele, Ashley Raimond … just to name a few. Made out of nobodies champions. But even that accomplishment didn’t helped me to satisfy myself. Satisfy my needs for acceptance and … well I think a thank you would have been enough for my help to build up and start their legacy. But no this was never the chase … not even once I heard a thank you Kimberly for your help and support. Not even once.
I loud gasp escape my lips as from one second to the other somebody place a blanket on my shoulders … wrap me in the blanket so that I don’t freeze so much. I turn my head upwards and to the side to see Christina standing behind me … my only friend in this world that is always on my side to support me. I nod with my hand and let her hold myself between her strong arms. I can feel her breath …. And I can only .think about what a great help she was for me … what a good friend.
It even was her who brough the papers were I signed my relase from GCW, to Wallace. Yes I will leave GCW … I will stop to walk in a circle and go the long road backwards … turn around and go to the only place I can call my home. I will go home to my family …. My Famila …my home … I will be tomorrow at this time already back home by Sergio, by Vegas and the rest the gang … at home … in Vegas ….
I close my eyes, my thoughts are drifting away … Home …
Thanks for all the support and it was a great time with all of you. Goodbye GCW …